European nations negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program initially offered the upstart threat a free light-water nuclear reactor. The President of Iran, however, responded by becoming petulant, calling the offer a "colonial" insult and demanding to know if we think he’s “a child.”
Determined to reach an agreement in a way that would avoid the unfortunate necessity of bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities, the Europeans then opted to come right out and offer exactly what the fundamentally wrong mullahdom yearns for: step-by-step instructions on how to make an atom bomb, along with enough enriched uranium for its scientists to get to work on it haste post haste.
Unsurprisingly, the offer immediately had irresistible appeal to the cranium of Iranian President Ahmadinejad, who stated, “Thank you, thank you so much! Now, we have everything we want."
"The crisis is over," French President Jacques Chirac assured an anxious world. "We have reached an agreement with Iran.” And, with his not infrequent implied backhand to the U. S., he added, “And notice we achieved it without having to go to war."
The United States, in a surprise move, congratulated both sides, citing a geographical reason. "We think the settlement is just fine," President Bush said. "After all, our European allies are a lot closer to Iran than we are."
Israel continues to be the only holdout, expressing a geographical inconvenience. As Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert maintained, "Unfortunately, we're even closer to Iran than France."
Although a resolution of the standoff with Iran is now in hand, European nations still remain uncertain about the errant nation's true nuclear intentions.
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs." |
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